Short story about NLC

I walked in the empty streets, I was alone, no one was there, there were no one around, the big town became a ghost town, and I came every day to these streets, wondering... why did this happen to us? Where are the people? Why their gone? I remember the times that these streets was alive, there were the sounds of the cars riding along the streets, the sounds of people talking about... everything, I remember the guards of NLC, why did they let this happen?
I walked in the streets, its the third week since NLC became a ghost town, it was raining around, since NLC became a ghost town, there wasn't any life signs from her members, I was the only one who was still found, I knew that there was something wrong, why in one day the whole town will die? That makes no sense!
I kept wondering, while I was looking on the houses, Jojo crib... where we used to hang out, it was the best place to relax, Woods place... this place was the party house, everyone came here to party and have fun, and the last famous house... my house, where me and Mjesec used to live, this was used to be the biggest house, we were giving away rooms to people who didn't have a place to live, and now... its just a place for the crows to dry up, I saw a shadow moving in the street, this shadow wasn't a normal technique that I saw, it was a person that moved in an amazing speed, I started getting ready to a fight, the shadow appeared next to me, he said: "So you survived eh?", I turned into this person, the person discovered his face, it was Saber, I relaxed, Saber was the most trustable person I ever knew, he was one of the most nice peoples in NLC! "Where were you Saber?" I asked in a suspicious voice, Saber laughed and said: "In hell, no, im kidding, I don't really know, I remember I walked in the street, and a person wearing a dark robe kidnapped me, and I don't remember anything else since then.", I looked at Saber, I saw his eyes, his eyes always told me if his lying or not, he wasn't, I started wondering who could've been that person, I heard a little noise of footsteps, me and Saber turned around, ready to a fight, the person were wearing dark blue coat with demonic symbols on it and a weird looking hat that covered his whole face, I tried to attack him, but he wasn't there, he was behind me, I knew only one person with this speed, the hat that covered his face fell down to the ground, the wind blew my body, I was scared and surprised, it was Martin.
"Martin? Why are you doing this..?" I asked confused, "That's it, im sick of NLC, its always making Maple Guide look smaller, I decide to destroy this city, nothing is able to stop me." he said, I was shocked... Martin wanted to destroy NLC? "I wont let you do that... prepare yourself to a figh--" a hand covered my mouth, Frost was right behind me, Frost didn't let me go, I guessed that he wanted to destroy NLC aswell, Martin got out a long sword, that was frozen, I watched this sword confused, I knew it wouldn't be able to kill me, my fire powers would destroy it, Martin knew it, so why was he smiling?
"Don't worry, this sword is created from frozen holy water, it will destroy your body and soul.", My eyes went blank; I couldn't even summon my mask! I lost the fight.

Author note:

-facepalm-

The Forum city thing is my idea.
When you end a quote, it's like this.

"I'm walking down the road." he said. NO.

Correct way:
"I'm walking down the road," he said.


You need to learn how to end sentences instead of continuing them.

I were talking with a friend on MSN about that, I didn't even think of your series in this moment, and its tottaly diffrent from your series...

I will fix it soon, I didn't see that "WORD" didn't fix my grammar errors, I want a cnc about my story, I wrote it from BOREDOM.

Okay...

Story's a little boring. No hook. Nothing makes me want to continue. The grammar errors don't help.

You need to create suspense, or tension. The story doesn't have much of that.

Uri wrote:....an amazing speed, I started getting ready to a fight, the shadow appeared next to me, he said: "So you survived eh?", I turned into this person, the person discovered his face, it was Saber, I relaxed, Saber was the most trustable person I ever knew, he was one of the most nice peoples in NLC! "Where were you Saber?" I asked in a suspicious voice, Saber laughed and said: "In hell, no, im kidding, I don't really know, I remember I walked in the street....

Not very funny...if that's what you were aiming for.

All in all, try to get a good plot set up. I think you tried to make people wonder what was going to happen. Well...didn't work. Try a different style. Like you start off my introducing yourself, not you're already in the thick of the action, and you introduce yourself while you're running.

I didn't want this story to be funny. :c
Well, thats how I write, I am still a begginer, thank you for your cnc :3